- You are stronger than you realise.
- You are crueller than you realise.
- The smallest words will break your heart.
- You will change. You’re not the same person you were three years ago. You’re not even the same person you were three minutes ago and that’s okay. Especially if you don’t like the person you were three minutes ago.
- People come and go. Some are cigarette breaks, others are forest fires.
- You won’t like your name until you hear someone say it in their sleep.
- You’ll forget your email password but ten years from now you’ll still remember the number of steps up to his flat.
- You don’t have to open the curtains if you don’t want to.
- Never stop yourself texting someone. If you love them at 4 a.m., tell them. If you still love them at 9.30 a.m., tell them again.
- Make sure you have a safe place. Whether it’s the kitchen floor or the Travel section of a bookshop, just make sure you have a safe place.
- You will be scared of all kinds of things, of spiders and clowns and eating alone, but your biggest fear will be that people will see you the way you see yourself.
- Sometimes, looking at someone will be like looking into the sun. Sometimes someone will look at you like you are the sun. Wait for it.
- You will learn how to sleep alone, how to avoid the cold corners but still fill a bed.
- Always be friends with the broken people. They know how to survive.
- You can love someone and hate them, all at once. You can miss them so much you ache but still ignore your phone when they call.
- You are good at something, whether it’s making someone laugh or remembering their birthday. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that these things don’t matter.
- You will always be hungry for love. Always. Even when someone is asleep next to you you’ll envy the pillow touching their cheek and the sheet hiding their skin.
- Loneliness is nothing to do with how many people are around you but how many of them understand you.
- People say I love you all the time. Even when they say, ‘Why didn’t you call me back?’ or ‘He’s an asshole.’ Make sure you’re listening.
- You will be okay.
- You will be okay.
Thems The Rules
At Least it Rhymes
This is really interesting to see. I learned in the past few years that one of my most common stress-handling techniques from my abused years onward was dissociation, so I can support the third or so bullet: People familiar with the state do it well and blend in.
However I have had dissociation ‘attacks’ as it were (for lack of better wording) in periods of EXTREME stress where I would slip half into/out of sleep and find myself unable to grasp the present time/place while there was a lot of ‘static’ in me.
I find psychological mechanisms like this really interesting.
i have had depersonalisation-derealisation disorder for several years but occasionally lapse into complete dissociation and nobody ever knows what to do and that’s even more stressful and just makes it so much worse, so information like this is very useful
in terms of dissociation, i’d like to reiterate that it’s very important that you establish that whatever triggered the dissociative episode is no longer present before you attempt to bring your friend back to reality. many people dissociate as a means of coping with stressors or triggers that are too intense to be properly processed, and as long as their lack of awareness doesn’t present imminent danger to themselves or others, it might be best just to leave your friend in that state until they can get to a safe environment.
because so many people who experience dissociative episodes have also been victims of trauma, it is absolutely crucial that you receive consent - preferably before an episode, and during an episode - before trying anything to ground them or bring them back.
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